Advocating for Your Student: 8 Parent Tips for Successful IEP Collaborations

The most effective Individual Education Program (IEP) teams are built on clear communication, trust, and respect, with every member working toward the student’s best interests. However, there are several factors that can impede an IEP team’s results. Conflicting viewpoints, confusing policies, clashing communication styles, and disagreements between parents and educators can hinder the team from creating an optimal education plan. With a little strategic planning, parents can overcome these obstacles and greatly influence their student’s IEP success.

If you’re working with an IEP team, here are 8 tips to achieve successful communication & results:

1. Learn Communication Protocols

When you start working with an IEP team, make sure to clearly establish processes for communication. Ask who your primary point of contact will be. Will your kid have a team leader or case manager, or will all communications go out to the entire team? Should questions be submitted via email, a school app, or text? So long as it remains effective, adhere to the team’s agreed upon communication protocols. Going above anyone’s head may seem like it will expedite certain requests, but it can lead to distrust and animosity between team members. If you feel that any established processes are ineffective, approach the team with proposed changes, always focusing on how these adjustments will benefit your child.

Example:

“I know the School Psychologist works with 4 different schools and it's hard for him to check his email frequently. I'm concerned that this is slowing the process for my daughter to receive appropriate services. Can we consider changing my main point of contact to her Special Education Teacher?”

2. Record Concerns & Potential Solutions

Have you ever gone to the doctor with plans to ask them about 5 different symptoms, only to forget 4 of them once you're on the exam table? Similarly, it can be easy to forget some of your concerns when you’re on the spot during video conferences and sit-downs with your IEP team. To make sure you cover every important topic, keep a written record of your most prominent concerns, aiming to cover 3-4 main topics per meeting. Also make notes of your proposed solutions to address those concerns, with evidence and sources to support your opinions (for example, sharing an article about effective accommodations for dyslexia from a reputable source. It can also be helpful to have copies or digital access to any pertinent communications with other team members so you can reference prior conversations as needed.

3. Present Your Unique Understanding

As a parent, you have a unique understanding of your student. Your unparalleled bond, intimate knowledge of family history, and years of parenting give you unmatched expertise on your child’s strengths, challenges, characteristics, and sensitivities. You’re also likely the only team member who sees their behaviors and needs outside of a school setting. This position equips you to help school staff better understand your child and make informed decisions about appropriate IEP interventions.

For example, is your kid most irritable when they’re hungry? Do they have frequent emotional breakdowns during math homework? Does 15 minutes of active play help them focus before they sit down to accomplish a task?

Maybe your student’s teacher suggests that they be allowed to listen to music with headphones during class, as they’ve had several students with autism who benefitted from this accommodation. However, you know that your child can't stand the sensory feeling of headphones, and finds music irritating. You have noticed, however, that they are calmer and more focused after taking a 5-minute stretch break. Sharing your firsthand observations will help the IEP team reach productive solutions faster.

4. Maintain professional conduct

Maintaining professional conduct during IEP team interactions will increase the likelihood that your child’s needs will be addressed with optimal efficiency. Arriving at meetings on time, reviewing agendas in advance, listening attentively to others, and sharing thoughtful counterarguments in a calm, neutral tone will promote effective collaboration and trust.

5. Focus on the child, not the IEP team

If you find yourself in disagreement with other IEP team members, it’s natural to feel angry, misunderstood, and concerned for your kid’s education. However, it’s important to remember that even when opinions differ, everyone on the team wants to see your student succeed. When bringing up complaints or disagreements, try to avoid accusatory language. Blaming & shaming can make others feel defensive and focus more on your conflict than your child’s needs. Instead, always draw attention back to the student’s best interests and encourage collaborative problem solving.

Examples:

Avoid statements like “You didn’t give Sadie enough breaks during her test! You clearly don’t care about giving her a fair learning environment.”

Instead try, “I was informed that Sadie was not given extra breaks during her history exam. Since extra breaks were deemed necessary in her IEP, will she be able to retake her exam with appropriate accommodations?”

Avoid statements like, “If you don’t think my son needs visual supports for his math work, then you clearly don’t understand his disability.”

Instead try, “I appreciate that you believe in Myles and want him to be challenged appropriately. However, research has shown that providing access to manipulatives and visual aids in class is beneficial for kids with his diagnosis. Can I share the research I found that supports this?"

Have you been struggling to communicate in your IEP group, or feel like you need additional documentation to secure support for your student? Schedule your consultation below to learn about how our diagnosticians can help.

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6. Break Down Large Requests

While requests for major changes to your child’s education plan may meet resistance or require significant time to implement, you can often get closer to your goals faster by breaking down large requests into a series of smaller ones over time.

For example, instead of asking for 1:1 classroom aid off of the bat, you might ask for your kid to have preferential seating so that they can easily see and hear their teachers. At a follow-up meeting, you could ask for additional testing time if your student regularly does not complete tests in the allotted time. Further down the line, you could ask that your student be provided with reading materials that summarize class information, or materials that present the same information at easier reading levels. IEPs are always amendable, so this “small step strategy” strategy can ensure that consistent progress is being made toward your big-picture goals.

7. Consider an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE)

An IEE through a private evaluator provides a second objective assessment from a person that does not work for the district. Such evaluations determine whether a student has a condition that impairs their ability to learn. IEE results from private and district assessments are commonly used to structure a student’s IEP and ensure that they receive appropriate support.

In situations where an IEP team is hesitant to implement accommodations or modifications that you believe are necessary, a second opinion can provide evidence from an objective expert to better inform the team of what is needed to best support your student.

8. Grow Your Support Network

No parent has to navigate the IEP process alone. Guidance and support from others can help you experience a smooth and successful IEP journey. Try connecting with other parents whose kids have IEPs and discuss which strategies have (or haven’t) worked for them.

In cases where a second professional opinion is necessary, our diagnosticians use evidence-based strategies to assess how a learning disability impacts a student’s ability to learn. Working with an Educational Psychologist, such as our experts at Variations Psychology, can boost your understanding, confidence, and effectiveness as an IEP contributor.

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More about Variations Psychology

Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in diagnostic testing to identify psychological conditions.

Our comprehensive evaluations test for conditions that impact mental health and development such as ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, depression, anxiety, learning disorders, and developmental delays. 

In addition to diagnostic services, we offer Independent Educational Evaluations (IEEs) of K-12 students to assess needs for accommodations in school and determine their appropriate placements. IEEs provide an objective second opinion on existing IEP and 504 Plans.

For K-12 and post-secondary students, we offer evaluations to assess needs for accommodations on standardized tests, college entrance exams (e.g. - SAT, ACT, AP Exams) (Admin, please link to SAT/ACT accommodations blog), and graduate and professional licensing

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Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides psychological testing to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.

References:

Damashek, Lara. (n.d.). How to Speak IEP. Smart Kids with Learning Disabilities. Retrieved from https://www.smartkidswithld.org/getting-help/the-abcs-of-ieps/how-to-speak-iep/ 

Lightner, Lisa. (n.d.). How to Effectively Communicate with your School IEP Team. A Day in Our Shoes. Retrieved from hhttps://adayinourshoes.com/effective-iep-communication/ 

Shinn. M.M. (2024). 4 Steps to Securing Special Education. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/4-steps-to-securing-special-education 

Shinn. M.M. (2024). Self-Advocacy in the Workplace: 10 Tips for Talking to Your Employer about Accommodations. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from: https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/self-advocacy-in-the-workplace-10-tips-for-talking-to-your-employer-about-accommodations 

Shinn. M.M. (2020). Understanding Education Plans: A Parent’s Guide to 504s and IEPs. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/understanding-education-plans-a-parents-guide-to-504s-and-ieps 

Shinn. M.M. (2022). Understanding Supports, Services, Accommodations, Modifications & Placements. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/understanding-supports-services-accommodations-modifications-placements 

Tips for Communicating as a Member of the IEP Team. (n.d.). PAVE. Retrieved from https://wapave.org/tips-for-communicating-as-a-member-of-the-iep-team/ 

Working Together as an Effective Individualized Education Program (IEP) Team. (2018). Pacer Center. Retrieved from https://www.pacer.org/parent/php/PHP-c254.pdf 

How to Cite This Blog Article:

Shinn. M.M. (2026). “Advocating for Your Student: 8 Parent Tips for Successful IEP Collaborations”. Psychologically Speaking. [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/Advocating%20for%20Your%20Student:%208%20Parent%20Tips%20for%20Successful%20IEP%20Collaborations